The Alternative Baking Industry Awards

12 December, 2008
For a bit of light-hearted relief before the end of the year, we've put together a montage of alternative Awards for Stop the Week's funniest bits this year
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== Accidental Bread Thieves of the Year ==
Partners in crime Donna Hayes and Benjamin Jorgensen were put behind bars after staging a raid at the Cuckoo Restaurant in Melbourne. However, the robbery didn't go according to plan as the pair mistook a $5 bag of bread rolls for a $30,000 bag of cash, and ended up with a load of old dough - the wrong sort. Oops!== The Innovation in Bread Award ==Well, kind of. A nifty little gadget called the Croissant Wrist Rest has been developed, to combat the effects of repetitive strain injury.== PR Story of the Year ==We couldn't help but chuckle here at BB, when the press release on Mannekin Pis came flying into our inbox. "Mannekin what?" you say. Well, the folks at Belcolade thought it might be fun to make a chocolate statue of a small naked boy, urinating. They then took it around London for a tour of the sites. They tried to fob us off by saying it was some kind of famous Belgian statue, but we saw right through that one.== Customs Officer of the Year ==This one goes to the airport authorities in Dubai. Officials from the United Arab Emirates had a slight problem with some seeds, found on the clothing of a Swiss man. Fearing the worst, the officials reportedly detained the man on suspicion of drug smuggling. But it turns out he was just a messy eater - and they were poppy seeds that had fallen off the sandwich he'd bought at Heathrow.== Top Toaster of the Year ==In BB's countdown of top toasters, the Waterproof Toaster came out on top! OK, so it hasn't been invented yet, but wouldn't it be good? You could have a shower and eat breakfast all at once. Stop the Week's roving antennae did pick up news from Israel on a new technology that could see the development of... wait for it... the shower toaster. A company called Unipower claims to have designed 'special water' which, once sprayed on electrical components, renders them immune to short-circuit or electrocution. Well, it would certainly save time in the morning.== Mistaken Identity of the Year == One unlucky birthday girl had to go without cake at her party, after the iced creation made by her friend was mistakenly given to another table at a restaurant. "Despite the fact that the cake said 'Happy Birthday Kaffy' on it, and despite the fact it was specially made, they just took it and ate the whole thing."== Most Likely Bread Product to be Mistaken for A Dead Body ==The rightful winner of this award is Thai art student Kittiwat Unarrom, who makes edible bread heads (and other bits) from dough, chocolate, raisins and cashews. His creations, some of which are hanging from meat hooks, are exhibited in clear cabinets in a shop. Well, they may be edible, but we're not sure they look very appetising.Look for a return to normality in Stop the Week - as normal as can be expected - in the next issue of BB.----=== Allinson's Advice of the Year ===On breathing properly: "Breathing through the mouth is a mistake. The mouth should be kept shut unless we are eating, drinking, speaking, yawning or laughing. To learn to sleep with the mouth shut, use a piece of stamp paper, gum it over the mouth, and keep it on at night until you start breathing through the nose."Wise words from the esteemed doctor.



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