Let sleeping Jaffas lie

19 June, 2009
Page 39 

Oh, woe betide thee who dabbles in the dark arts and invokes a sleeping demon. In a clear act of evil-doing, The Guardian's website provocatively reopened the whole Jaffa Cake debate on its forums. "It turns out that what the readers of Comment is Free really want to debate is not the European elections or the global economic crisis, but baked goods, specifically the infamous question:'Is a Jaffa Cake a biscuit or a cake?'" it wrote. Stop the Week thought this thorny question had been put to rest when the law courts ruled their inherent cakiness. How wrong could we be? Here is just a sample of the reponses, which ran to an alarming seven pages. Serves The Guardian right.

l necroflange: This is like one of those arguments in biology, which is usually solved by inventing a new phylum. I therefore suggest that a new term is coined, that will also incorporate mini-rolls, fig rolls, penguin biscuits, and other biscuity items that one cannot comfortably refer to as a biscuit.

l Dormsville: It's a cake that's a biscuit. Hope that clears that up.

l MrPikeBishop: My grandfather didn't stop a bullet in Normandy so that you people could call this a cake - it's a biscuit. You all ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

l Mitsurugi: It's easy. A cake goes hard when it's stale. A biscuit goes soft.

l Ladyribenaberet: I propose that, like the Platypus, the Jaffa (insert name here) should have its own classification. It's a new, unique entity. Henceforth, they shall be called Biscakes.

l PhilippaB: It's easiest to think of it as a sort of fourth dimension, that occasionally connects with the real world, but is mostly off in the ether and inconceivable to anybody but highly-paid specialists. Kind of like the string theory, but pettier.

l EllsBells: I really started worrying about this then, and had to snap myself out of it.

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