£285,000 - that’s the value of 10kg of ketamine, seized by police from the luggage of a 27 year-old Indian national at Kuala Lumpur International airport, camouflaged - ingeniously enough - as flour. Bags of white powder, eh - who’d have thought of checking that? The irony is, the way flour prices are going, people could soon be smuggling flour under the guise of ketamine.

More creative - though equally inept - was a 22-year-old American who is accused of balling up pieces of bread and selling them as crack cocaine to senior citizens in a Florida nursing home. "He was trying to sell these pieces of crack for $5 apiece to elderly citizens and, clearly, trying to take advantage of them," said one report, which failed to ask the obvious question: what are senior citizens doing on crack?