"The girl told me, ’You don’t look over 21. I need to see some proof of age’. I told her I was certain the proof of age laws did not apply to quiche but she said, ’We have to be really strict now and this applies to quiche bought over the counter.’ She was deadly serious"

coming-of-age Tesco shopper Christine Cuddihy, 24, of Coventry, commenting on a blocked quiche purchase, which a Tesco spokesperson was reportedly "at a loss" to explain

"I don’t want a sushi, a wrap or a salad, or a Gregs [sic] sanwich [sic], I want to park my fat arse on a comfy seat & eat with a knife & fork!"

Location Location Location’s Kirstie Allsopp twitters an almost-literate response to suggestions she should investigate meal deals on the high street, having previously moaned that her Channel 4 lunch allowance had been cut from £15 to £6. The horror!