"I hired two friends but we had a disagreement and I said, ’You’re fired’. They didn’t sell enough cakes to cover the costs. They weren’t pulling their weight and I can’t afford to have people like that working for me"

entrepreneurial eight-year-old Connor Pickering, inevitably dubbed ’Little Lord Sugar’ by The Mail, on the cut and thrust of running a successful cake shop at Stockingford Junior School in Nuneaton, Warwickshire

"The Daily Mailin the course of some confected snippet about Hugh Grant and Liz Hurley, casually mentions the pair were ’at a party to mark the opening of a fashionable new London bakery’. Did you ever? A bakery? Fashionable? Launched with a party? Don’t these people have actual friends or, come to that, access to cake that doesn’t involve dressing up and whingeing about photographers?"

The Guardian’s Lost in Showbiz ever revered by STW for its irreverence takes a sideswipe at "the week’s single most brimstone-beckoning clause in British showbiz news"

"The E number system is basically a regulation system, making sure that manufacturers can’t just chuck anything they want into our food. It’s there to stop them doing naughty stuff to our nosh"

food fanatic and book author Stefan Gates, who has taken the extreme step of extracting naturally occurring E-numbers from his own body including sweat, tears, body fat and hair and using them in a cake in a bid to get people to ditch the idea that they are "chemical nasties" yeucch!