Can a humble sausage roll conceivably have more Facebook fans than Cheryl Cole? Join the campaign and make it happen... http://bit.ly/aRtAzH Thought you could only make coffee out of coffee beans? How about using grapes instead? http://bit.ly/6xIzQu Ever wondered what happens to all those thin wooden coffee stirrers when you're not looking? Well, one artist is making a livelihood out of them... http://bit.ly/ctcozR Baking tins to make giant cupcakes go on sale in America but not everybody's happy about it... http://bit.ly/8F5z61 Taking a cake into work and office-based cake-offs are the new team-building alternatives to paintballing... http://bit.ly/aYYkaz Police crack down on 'sexpresso' stalls in the US... http://bit.ly/cVrTWV

"The girl told me, 'You don't look over 21. I need to see some proof of age'. I told her I was certain the proof of age laws did not apply to quiche but she said, 'We have to be really strict now and this applies to quiche bought over the counter.' She was deadly serious"

Through reasons only known to themselves, aspirational coffee chain Costa recently chose durable tabloid magnet Peter Andre to front its publicity drive around the launch of its 'flat white' coffee, featured in these very pages (see Masterclass, pages 34-35).

lMachinery
With some categories of pastry in stronggrowth, what laminating and sheeting equipment can you buy to take advantage?
lDistribution and wholesale
We find out what distributors want fromsuppliers. And we look at the optionsfor sourcing products
lBakers' Review
The monthly pages of the National Association of Master Bakers return for 2010

A weird form of treasure hunt, organised at a Lancashire resort, has bothererd the staff of a local café. It was found that cups of tea or coffee were ordered and, having received the usual receipt, the customers paid the money, but attempted to retain the check [receipt]. In some cases the tea or coffee was not touched. The mystery was solved when it was discovered that a local had organised a treasure hunt, one condition of which was the production of a check from the particular café. A more pointless and peculiar scheme it is difficult to imagine. On the face of it, it would seem that the café would benefit by increased turnover and a little advertisement. But any advantage of this kind would be easily outweighed by the inconvenience to the staff occasioned by the inteference with the ordinary clerical routine, as a result of which it would be impossible to analyse the takings properly. Such schemes should obviously be discouraged.

Jesus appears on a naan bread (again)... http://bit.ly/5HEwH4 Yet more geeky Star Wars cake creativity... http://bit.ly/8IS04K How do you make a cake worthy of Elvis' 75th birthday (he's still alive, you know)? http://bit.ly/8B2Qk7 Can you really sell a cupcake for $10,000? Er, no... http://bit.ly/8431Vi Why we still want to eat a high-calorie pud after a meal... http://bit.ly/8sEAuk How tall is Britain's biggest wedding cake? Is 9ft big enough for you? http://bit.ly/8NfmC9

The media is awash with trend predictions for 2010. So we're not about to break ranks, are we? Here's Stop the Week's half dozen...
1. Whoopie goldmine
"The freshest food fad to waft in from American bakeries," declared The Times on Saturday, "is the humble whoopie pie, a cake-and-cream dessert sandwich". Always ones to blow our own trumpet, BB predicted this in our appropriately named 'Trend Predictor' column back in 10 April 2009... Verdict: ****

lThe BB75
Building on our annual Top 50 league tableof bakery retailers, BB will review thewinners and losers in bakery, sandwich barsand coffee shops on the high street
lEaster lines
It's time to start planning for the first big seasonal sales boost of the year. So what canyou sell to make you stand out from the crowd?
lThe year ahead
'Tis the season for analysts' wild and wackypredictions on the trends for 2010, but whatdo they mean for bakery?

19 December, 1902: a moment of peace
Ere another issue is in the hands of our readers, the joybells that awaken so many happy memories will have rung out upon the December air, and another Christmas will be added as a pearl to the string of time. Many years ago, we first offered our Yuletide greetings in these pages, and many of our friends have accompanied us through the sunshine and darkness. We all lead busy and active lives. So each year Christmas, in its freshness, comes to afford a rest from labour, and to give an opportunity of recognising the deeper things of life. It is but momentary, the storm and the stress will break in again and work has to be renewed, and the ordinary duties, strenuous or monotonous, have to be taken up. But the great lesson of Christmas teaches us that even the struggles bring the consciousness of strength. It also gives us the privilege and opportunity of wishing all readers of British Baker a bright and joyous Christmas.

Our lingerie story should convince you that British Baker is a broad church. And so it is that we extend a hand oh why hold back, have a kiss, it's Christmas! to our new friends at Practical Caravan magazine.
Stop the Week spotted a story online about a competition that the mobile-dwelling bible ran in association with Lakeland, to find the best caravan-shaped cake. The competition was launched in September alongside a feature on "how to make the perfect caravan cake" (see pic above).
Vital business info for cake baking readers, we thought, so we got in touch. "'Perfect' may have been a bit strong for my caravan cake...," caravan-writer-cum-cake-baker Alyson Warnock at Practical Caravan told us. Nevertheless, she added, they received an astonishing 100 entries off the back of it, "most of which made my cake look very amateurish."
A harsh self-critic, I'm sure you'll agree. And if you don't, then surely the winning competition entry has attained caravan cake perfection (see pic right).

Winning by a nose in the final furlong to snatch the 'Letter of the Year' title is the following missive, received this week by email.
Open-minded types that we are, we weren't ruling anything out. "Pray tell, how do you envisage working with us?" we asked, intrigued by the possibilities opening up before us.
"Thank you for your fast reply," came the answer. "Can you offer product reviews? Another option we could consider would be to run a prize giveaway/competition with you? For your site, in particular, I thought you might be interested in working together to promote a new range of maternity lingerie we are about to take on Cake Lingerie. We thought we could try to brainstorm a fun way to promote it with you? Please let me know your thoughts."
If that tantalising prospect isn't reason enough to renew your subscription next year, we don't know what is. In the meantime, while we scratch our heads to find a way to make this kinky cake crossover work for you our valued reader your ideas and suggestions are, as ever, welcome.bb@william-reed.co.uk

"I have a recurring dream where I'm running up some stairs and I don't know what's at the top of them; it's just a black hole. When I get to the top there's a piece of bread on a pedestal. Either I need to start eating less or more bread, or the bread needs something"
20-year-old socialite Peaches Geldof, daughter of Sir Bob, has bread on her mind. Any answers?
"The city of Toronto has a goal of making sure all coffee cups are recyclable"
Toronto city councillor and chairman of the Public Works Committee Glenn De Baeremaeker picks a fight with the coffee chains, with the city on the verge of banning polyethylene cups, favoured by the likes of Tim Hortons
"Egg cake, fruit cake, chocolate cake. I felt like a bakery dustbin"
You can have too much of a good thing as Cheng Yu of Beijing found; he claims he is on the verge of divorcing his wife Tian Mae after she served up a cake for every meal

Divorce is the new wedding, so cash in with a themed cake... tinyurl.com/yj9jx75 How much do you know about sourdough bread? Take this quiz and find out... tinyurl.com/yhl7wsz

15.1%

'Tis the season for celebrity chefs to pepper the press with sumptuous-looking festive book-plugging recipes.
So we doff our caps in the direction of gastro boffin Heston Blumenthal for going against the grain and phoning in this Christmas show-stopping sarnie to freebie paper Metro. Over to you, Blumers... "Heat some Bird's Eye frozen peas, crush them with butter, salt and pepper, then take a slice of Mother's Pride white bread and butter with Anchor butter. Spread the crushed peas over the bread and top with half a white truffle."

lFats & Oils
With bakers under pressure to reduce sat fats and use sustainable oils, what are the options?
lFree-from
We look at why sales of gluten-free breadshave gone through the roof
lThe Big Interview
The resurgence of Hovis' market share has been the big story in wrapped bread. We ask brand boss Jon Goldstone how they did it

A baker who had a better idea of the value of empty flour sacks than he had of the ethics of stealing was sentenced to three months' imprisonment at Darlaston. He went to the bakehouse of a neighbour and wanted to buy 21 flour sacks, the value of which was seven shillings. The owner did not wish to sell them, and the prisoner went away, but afterwards, he was seen carrying the sacks from the premises. He was followed to a public house and, when charged with taking them, he expressed surprise that he should be charged with stealing, as the constable had recovered them. His plea, which did not obviate his imprisonment, was that he had been drinking and he did not know what he was doing.

The end of the world is nigh. Or at least it was until a chunk of baguette saved the day. Doom-mongers who fear the giant atom smasher in Switzerland the Large Hadron Collider will spark off a particle chain of events that will see the universe cave in on itself can breathe a sigh of relief. Well, for now at least.
Yes, work on the world's biggest particle accelerator, which is not yet operational, came to a shuddering halt when a bird dropped some bread on outdoor machinery, causing it to overheat. The golden question is, was this a carrier pigeon sent from the future to rescue the world with a baton? If so, it's reassuring to know that in a post-catastrophe future, there is still a market for French sticks.

Last year, in our tireless efforts to bring you news of toaster innovation, we reported on one concept 'see-through' toaster that was essentially two panes of heated glass. We scoffed then at the litany of design flaws, from the danger of burning your fingers to the impossibility of cleaning it.
More fool us, because Magimix is due to launch in January what it says is the first see-through toaster on the market. With two sheets of glass on either side to keep the outer wall cold, and windows that fold down so you can clean it, the toaster seems to tick all of the boxes. That is, if you're willing to put your tick next to the £160 price tag.

"It's a disgrace and a total farce. We can't stomach their cheap gimmicks. What good are cream cakes when we'll all be out on the street next year?"
A worker at the Johnnie Walker plant in Kilmarnock tells the Daily Record he is less than impressed by bosses allegedly "bribing" workers with cream cakes in a bid to get them to do overtime
"It is wrong to say that eating fibre is healthy when it exacerbates unpleasant symptoms for so many irritable bowel syndrome sufferers"
Professor Peter Whorwell from Wythenshaw Hospital in Manchester, quoted in The Daily Mail, which continues its crusade to find something wrong with absolutely every single thing we eat

Ok, we wouldn't advise going to the park to feed the ducks in these, but for any readers out there for whom baking and eating bread is not enough, there is now The Bread Shoe.
All for a bargain E70 (£62) and featuring the tagline "not wearable on feet...first in fashion...for interesting lifestyle...", the shoes were the brainchildren of twin Russian brothers and designers R&E Praspaliauskas. Or were they? The jury is out on the blogosphere over whether it is a hoax, a doubt further cultivated by a defunct 'BUY' button on the host website, even though three styles of bread shoes have supposedly 'sold out'. Plus, some people are crediting an obscure Norwegian comic or artist HR Giger with the bready breakthrough.
If any STW readers can come up with thigh-high women's bread boots, then we're sure that would be a first. Meanwhile, the shoe is sparking heated debates on design websites:
Teo: "This is just disgraceful. There are people starving, and we make shoes out of bread? This is even, if not worse, than starving a dog to death and calling it art. I usually don't get upset but this is wrong."
Signchic: "At last... something to go with my toe jam!"
Chuck Anziulewicz: "NO THANKS! I'm afraid I might get a yeast infection."
Jim: "I have tried this once, thinking that warm bread would be nice. The feeling was not unlike stepping in poo very unexpected. I guess it's better to wait until the bread goes stale."
www.dadadastudio.eu/shop/?c=5

A Welsh correspondent has sent us a menu in which the dishes are described in Welsh. We have many good friends in the Principality, but they have to condescend to write in English when they communicate with us. Passing the City Temple the other day, we observed an announcement in strange characters, but fortunately, the purposes of the meeting to which it referred was distinct enough to convey that it was a gathering of Welshmen in London. An announcement in a language of which one does not know a single word is like being before a locked door, to which one does not and never can possess a key. Even in the ordinary affairs of life, as represented by a dinner menu, our ignorance is appalling. Just fancy if any hospitable Welshman offered you a little Aderyn Dof Hynod a Mangig Manochyn, you would not know whether to use a spoon or fork.

"We didn't have any privileges. I remember living on baked beans, eggs and bread if it wasn't out of date"
Food waste shocker! Girls Aloud singer Cheryl Cole on growing up, but betraying a slavish adherence to use-by dates
"A complaint has been made to the police and we will be taking a look at CCTV footage of the incident before we can comment further"
Who ate all the pies? The football fans who broke into the catering booth and cleared the shelves at Burnley FC during last week's fixture with Manchester United. A police spokesman said an investigation was under way, but without apportioning blame, we thought Man U fans only ate prawn sandwiches...?
"Just Made (never from a factory). A fresh Pret sandwich doesn't need a 'use by' date. We make our food in every Pret kitchen using amazing ingredients. The best, natural stuff you'd want to use at home"
Pret A Manger's on-pack claim for its chicken sandwiches is hauled up by The Daily Mail for using frozen chicken imported 6,000 miles from Brazil and then processed
"The chocolate HobNob and custard cream of late night telly"
More controversial biscuit-related copy, as late-night political TV presenter Andrew Neil introduces co-hosts Diane Abbott and Michael Portillo with this ill-advised epithet
"We gained healthy eating status in 2006 and, as such, we ask you NOT to send in sweets or cakes to celebrate your child's birthday with their class. This will ensure equality of opportunity for all pupils"
Diane John, headteacher of Wood End Primary School in Harpenden, Herts, in a PC letter to parents

Not content with throwing televisions out of the window, rock stars are turning their destructive tendencies to bread, it would seem.
Speaking on last Thursday's Never Mind the Buzzcocks, musician and record producer-of-the-moment Calvin Harris described how, when working in a bakery when he was younger, he and colleagues used to hollow out loaves of bread at the end of the day and put them on their arms, legs and feet and wander about in something akin to a suit of bread body armour. Well, that's one way of ticking the 'health and safety' box.

What is it with the glut of cakey world record attempts right now? Is it some kind of ironic comment on the Western obesity epidemic, or a reaction to greater government interference in the sweet treats we eat? The latest giant pudding, a Tiramisu, has officially been given the 'world's biggest' mantle by Guinness World Records (or so the BBC claims it wasn't on the Guinness website). The dessert, made at a food fair in Lyon, weighed 1,076kg, used 4,000 eggs, 300kg of mascarpone, 180kg of biscuits blah blah blah. Whatever happened to the phrase, less is more?

We were just thinking, 'the world of toaster innovation has gone a bit quiet of late', and then three major domestic bread-heating advances drop on our desks.
First up is the 'bacon butty toaster'. Following last year's Toast N Egg a toaster with an egg fryer unceremoniously bolted onto the side the boffins at Tefal have put their scientific learning to best use by devising the Toast N Grill. This is an all-in-one toaster and grill, filling the gap in the market for those people who are unable to face the arduous task of operating a grill and a toaster at the same time.
Next is the 'slotless toaster', which, for a mere $90 in the US, allows you to toast without having to lift your bread out of a slot. It features a 10.25 x 7-inch heated surface the obvious failing being that you have to turn your toast over to brown both sides. One gadget website aptly described it as "much like your existing toaster, only less useful".
Last but not least literally the 'Wallace & Gromit' of the toaster world. Devised by former art student Yuri Suzuki, this all-in-one breakfast device, which cost £900 to assemble, can spread butter and jam onto toast, fry omelettes, freshly-squeeze orange juice and even freshly grind coffee beans. Surely the last word in toasting? Tefal, take note.

"I missed the Mumsnet question about biscuits: the answer is absolutely anything with a bit of chocolate on it, but trying very hard to cut down"

For last-minute Halloween inspiration, see a great top 10 list of horror cakes here tinyurl.com/yjacvon with recipes and guides. (The 'Kitty Litter Cake', however, may be taking things too far!)

Forget Subway's "We've got a Sub for that" and McDonald's "There's a McDonald's for everyone" marketing campaigns, currently doing the rounds. Everyone knows it's the cake baker that has the monopoly on product personalisation no matter how lunatic the customer request. The beauty of this cake lies in imagining the taut conversations that led to its making. See: tinyurl.com/yg8kq2f

Is the coming of the Apocalypse going to be triggered by some baker Beelzebub? Thus pondered one dumbstruck Fox News host Shepard Smith, who ominously met news of the latest sarnie innovation a bacon and cheese donut burger by saying: "There are signs of the Apocalypse. I mean, you hear about them. This may be one of them."

lWhen Sylvia met David
BB editor Sylvia Macdonald grills Tory leader David Cameron at flour miller FWP Matthews' base in the Cotswolds
lIBA
We report from the German bakery exhibition to find out the latest machinery and ingredients news in Europe
lBakers' Review
The latest legal and business updates and advice from the National Association of Master Bakers

Attention is drawn to the fact that the minister of transport has made an order prohibiting, as from 26 August, the use on any highway by an unauthorised person of any vehicle painted to resemble a camouflaged vehicle in the service of the armed forces.

One of those bizarre factoids that often gets trotted out by analysts is that bread actually has a higher penetration marketing double-speak for how much a particular product is purchased in a particular market than toilet roll. It's in the high 90s percentage-wise. So how can we mop up those last few bread-dodging households? Stop the Week suggests a marketing campaign around these uncommon uses for bread, from the ever-relevant Reader's Digest...

Everybody loves a pun. Puns have been keeping journos at The Sun in gainful employmnent for years, especially when there's a bread-related story to write and they have to 'RISE TO THE OCCASION' and 'USE THEIR LOAF'. And so it is that we applaud the organisers of the Real Bread Campaign for continuing this fine tradition with a Twitter competition to find the best bread-themed song title. Here's the shortlist (you're not allowed to groan).

"Hovis bakes 3,300lb bread and butter pudding" was the eyebrow-raising headline in The Telegraph that stopped Stop the Week's week this week. "A bread and butter pudding weighing the same as two baby elephants has been unveiled," it unveiled.

One of our friends in the South of Scotland has sent us an announcement of a novel fashion of advertising his bread. He announces to his customers and all others who wish to give his batch bread a trial feeling confident that his bread has no equal in the district that he will have 10 shillings in cash per day put into all his batch bread baked on July 1st, and continuing until July 7th. Everyone can have a chance to participate in this £3 to be given away in these six days, by purchasing a loaf at 2-3d. He merely asks as recognition of the genuineness of the 'Hidden Treasure' that the prize winners at once communicate with him full their name, address and amount received. We may say at once that it is a method of doing business of which we are not enamoured. It is no more or less than a lottery, and the conduct of lotteries are illegal.

We're not sure who these cakes were made for, but it has been speculated that they were baked for the Kuwaiti royal family. Whoever they were for, we're always happy to see pimped-up cakes.
http://www.zuzafun.com/royal-cakes#more-483

It's not often that British Baker gets picked up by political bloggers. It turns out that the humble cupcake is all that's needed to make the link. These colourful Tory-themed cupcakes were posted last week on a Conservative blog www.torybear.com, with the following caption: "There is only one way to celebrate the first day of National Cupcake week tomorrow".

Forget the world's biggest cupcake, Sayers and Hampsons devised the world's smallest cupcakes or so they claimed. A Guinness Book of Records entry has never actually been recorded. The cake measured only 3cm in height and was 1.5cm in diameter.

There's seemingly no end to the number of online outlets for lovelorn lonely hearts these days. And so we welcome the emergence of GlutenFreeDate.com, "a social networking site for gluten-free singles and single coeliacs". The American site is "100% free" and was created to give wheat-free restricted dieters the opportunity to meet others who follow a similar diet and lifestyle. The community offers shared pics, e-cards, forums and a video service.
Not that we would belittle food allergy sufferers whose cause has been leapt on by celebrity bandwagon jumpers and self-diagnosing home medics, but should they be encouraged to breed? Won't they spawn a generation of cake-dodgers, and is this a future we're prepared to accept? "Check out what all the buzz is about at GlutenFreeDate.com!" it proclaimed. Well, we tried, and the website had mysteriously been pulled down. The work of rogue bakery-based hackers, perhaps?

Ok, we've not run the rule over the data or peer-reviewed the findings, but we're still happy to give light to research that states that some 25 million Britons have suffered biscuit injuries.
The dubious claim made by Mindlab International, which devised the Biscuit Injury Threat Evaluation method, stated that a third of adults had suffered dunking-related scalding, a quarter had choked on crumbs and one in ten had damaged their teeth on a biscuit. If that's not bad enough, the shocking litany of injuries includes biscuit tins dropped on feet, falling off chairs reaching for a biccie, and poking yourself in the eye. In fact, 500 victims have required hospital treatment.
Mindlab assessed the 'dunkability' and 'crumb dispersal' of 15 biscuits for biscuit brand Rocky. Mathematicians cross-referenced these findings with research data and a nationwide survey of 1,000 adults. The lesson learned? Choose the custard cream from the biscuit assortment at your peril.

lBIA09

The decision to drop the word "bloomer" from the name of the London Protection Society's bread class at the Islington Exhibition is no doubt a good one. The loaf required is now to be described as "a crusty long loaf, baked on the oven bottom in steam". The competitor has now got the advantage of some clear-cut idea of the loaf that he is expected to send in. Apart from that, however, the name "bloomer" was vague, a little intriguing and probably a little unhappy. Among bakers who have an established trade in bloomer loaves, the name may stick, but from the point of view of the trade as a whole, it is as well that the name is to be dropped officially. Anyway, nobody seems very sure how the name came to be adopted in the first instance nor quite what it was meant to convey. Perhaps someone could suggest a better name for popular use!

Luckless Jenson Button might do well to switch to a better F1 car - one made of bread, perhaps? tinyurl.com/kquws3 Mourners at Michael Jackson's funeral were fed $8 "cinnamon-sugared doughnuts made with fresh ricotta and crushed amaretti crème anglaise" tinyurl.com/llkmyz Pictures of chocolate cake can strengthen women's resolve to eat healthily, says a study (yeah, whatever) tinyurl.com/quty85 Celebrities are using giant doughnuts to hide their identities tinyurl.com/m4x6vm KFC finds bread surplus to requirement in sandwiches tinyurl.com/ltdbch A New York bakery has developed a high-protein bread for weightlifters tinyurl.com/lgvkmt New York's cafés have waged war on "wi-fi squatters" tinyurl.com/mk6kqf

Here's how to bake a "delicious and low-fat alternative to a regular cake" that would be "a great cake for a kids' birthday party", according to one US website. That is, assuming you don't mind the prospect and possible legal fallout of peddling this psychedelic cake to a roomful of tripping tots. The cake's dominant ingredients are nutritionally inventive: Sprite and food colouring (the Sprite replaces the eggs, oil and water). But is this a potentially coma-inducing cocktail or a tweeny-turbo charge in cake form? If anyone is brave enough to volunteer their child for an experiment, we would be delighted to hear how the sparks fly.

"The inspiration for the sandwich came from my own student days it was survival food back then. I realised that, every now and then, I was getting a hankering for one and guessed I wasn't alone. Nothing makes us feel better in difficult times than comfort food"

Since National Cupcake Week was launched by British Baker earlier this year, we've found it hard to suppress our fawning over this inaugural celebration, filliped as we are by the gushing support we've received from bakers up and down the country. So just to show we're not cupcake evangelists, Stop the Week is happy to address the positive imbalance and bring a dissenting voice in from the wilderness.

In The Times on Wednesday, a correspondent commended grey squirrels, a pest of which it is desirable to rid the country, as providing an agreeable food. The meat, it was stated, is as tender as rabbit, can be cooked similarly, and resembles it in taste. "If it were widely used to supplement the meat ration," added the writer, "the double purpose might be served of addition to our food supply and the extermination of a destructive animal."

"We sell a bunch of junk. We've decided if Whole Foods doesn't take a leadership role in educating people about a healthy diet, who the heck is going to do it?"

Baker beware! Innocent items of kitchen equipment could land you in some serious trouble, as one poor man (not a baker in this instance) found to his cost. The item in question was a spatula - a pretty normal piece of kit in your average bakery - but clearly a lethal weapon when brandished at large or used in a not-for-purpose situation.

Are you a plant baker with a green conscience? Do you ever worry about what happens to all those plastic bread bags used to sell your loaves in the supermarkets? Are yours recyclable, for example? Or do they go straight to landfill?

Those Aussies, don'cha just luv 'em? Not content with calling us poms and the Americans seppos, they now have to wade into the argument as to who has the world's most bonzer cake (see STW July 31). As they would say in Strine, they big-note themselves that it's London to a brick they've cracked the world record, rocking up with a giant coconut-covered, chocolate-soaked sponge cake half the size of a Vee Dub.

== l Top 50 update ==

When doctors and dentists condemn white bread, they are told occasionally by bakers that they do not know what they are talking about; when faddists cry out for "mother's" bread, attempts are made to show them that baker's bread is the superior product. At all times, whatever the complaint, the utmost patience is extended towards the complainant. In fact, many a baker's roundsman, to keep a customer who takes a few loaves a week, has to put up with rudeness that would cause the average docker or shipyard worker to drop his tools at a moment's notice. And now the President of the American Bakers' Convention has come along to press a button that illuminates all these shadows. "As the days go by," he has said, "I am reaching a definite conviction that most of our troubles are not troubles at all, but misunderstandings." Some of us came to the same conclusion a good many years ago.

How do you cut a cake fairly, so everyone gets an equal slice? That's a question that has troubled some of the greatest minds in history. Thankfully, technologyreview.com has reported on "a significant breakthrough" in this complex art. A mathematical algorithm has been found, which allows each person to have a fair share.

Continuing on from last week's Star Wars toaster, it appears there's more mileage to be had in targeting the "geek pound", as we're coining it. Bakery geeks that we are on Stop the Week, we spotted these Ewok, Stormtrooper and Hans Solo-in-carbonite cakes on www.geekologie.com. Not bad, but if you could make a Death Star cake and suspend it from the ceiling, then we'd be seriously impressed - more so if you could devise away to slice it. Which brings us seamlessly onto...

"Fighting foreclosure, one cake at a time"

Important developments in the world of cupcakes - the Guinness World Records? title for the largest cupcake has been achieved in Minneapolis. The mammoth creation, weighing 68.36kg and measuring 30.48cm tall by 60.96cm wide and organised by cakes.com, was said to yield some 1,500 slices and took 13 hours to make.

Dear Editor

Cardamom pods are the seed pods of a tropical fruit of the ginger family, known as Elettaria cardamomum. Green cardamom is recognised as having a superior flavour to brown or black cardamom. It is available in pods, which should be opened and the seeds lightly crushed, or in ready-ground form. In India, it is used to flavour curries and most of the crop in Arab countries goes to flavour coffee. However, in Scandinavia, it is used in breads and baking. Make a cardamom braid using a sweetened enriched bread dough, flavoured with cardamom (approximately 2.5-5g to 1,000g flour). The dough is split into three, plaited and the ends are joined together prior to baking. Add some ground cardamom to a basic cookie dough or make almond cardamom stars, flavouring a biscuit dough with ground almonds, orange zest and cardamom.

== Richard Hamilton of Agile Space begins a step-by-step guide to revamping your shops ==

== Jo Fairley is co-owner of Judges organic bakery and grocery shop in Hastings and co-founder of Green & Black's chocolate firm, with hubby Craig Sams ==

It is not uncommon practice for a family baker who runs short of bread to obtain some from a fellow-baker to tide him over in an emergency. An instance of this came to our notice a few days ago, and it was not necessary for the fact to be pointed out to us. In place of the excellent and appetising bread usually on sale, we saw a few good loaves and a considerable number of loaves that were nearly as hard as bullets and dead-looking; loaves of which no good baker could have pretended to be proud. We felt sorry for the customers who paid their money and took their choice and wondered whether they could fail to notice the difference between the bread to which they were accustomed and that which they were about to eat.

"It's devastating - a £2 sandwich has cost me my business, my home and everything I've worked on for the last 35 years"

Stop The Week has had its share of toaster stories over the past year, but we feel it our duty to let you know about the latest must-have gadget for Star Wars fans - just in case there are any of you out there in the bakery world!

Are you "thoughtful, inquisitive and independent without strong romantic ties" or are you "the life of the party" or even a "charismatic adventure seeker"? Then, boy, have we uncovered the sandwich for you! Or, to be honest, we haven't... but the Chicago-based Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation (smellandtaste.org) certainly has!

Forget cops and robbers, cops and doughnuts are two words that have gone together since the dawn of time. And this is now the name of a new doughnut shop in Clare City, Michigan - owned, that's right, by cops. Only in America.

7-9 September

Fennel seeds are produced by both the feathery annual herb and the bulbous perennial Florence fennel, which is eaten as a vegetable. The flowers produce a mass of seeds, which are quite sweet, and the flavour is similar to aniseed or liquorice. They are used in fish soups and stews and on top of grilled fish or meat. In some Mediterranean countries, the seeds are sprinkled on top of bread dough prior to baking. However, they can be included in other baked products. Add some to soda bread or make a seeded rye bread using a mixture of fennel seeds, cumin seeds and caraway seeds. Swedish Limpa bread, which usually uses aniseed, can be made by adding fennel seeds, honey, orange zest and juice to a light rye bread mixture. A few can be added to a traditional recipe for banana bread or carrot cake and you can make coconut macaroons a little different by adding a few fennel seeds to the mixture.

Reading the bit of blurb on the back cover stating that: "The seventeenth-century 'Mermaid pie' was a way of flirting with the idea of cannibalism", you wouldn't be blamed for wondering what sort of book this was. It is in fact an all-encompassing look at the world of pies in all their glorious pastry history.

What will bread look like in the future? And what is the best thing since sliced bread? These are questions I've made it my quest to answer. And where better to start than pre-history?

* Ingenious bread bags that make stale bread fresh. Or do they? tinyurl.com/lqtugk * You can compact discarded bread crusts into logs to use as fuel... tinyurl.com/mquzyd * The US-based topless café that Stop the Week wrote about recently has burned to the ground... tinyurl.com/qdff43 * But another risqué café chain called Café Lu - described as "Starbucks meets Hooters" - emerges to fill the void... tinyurl.com/mw24pp

This week's press conference at the Ministry of Food commenced on a none-too-jolly note. It concerned bones. Bones are wanted for the production of fertiliser, bone grease and glue. It was stated that the Ministry was anxious to secure that the maximum quantity of bones is collected from private households.

"When I told her the posh chocolate biscuits had been listed in the press, she retorted 'well, you don't expect me to eat Family Circle under this kind of pressure do you?' No, I don't, because she has been bang on in her judgment and the way she has handled our office accounts"

Our journey westward continues with a trip to Tesco in Exeter, where the Express & Echo heralded a word of warning to anyone who might find themselves a little peckish at a Tesco checkout. It reported on one shopper who suffered the ignominy of being manhandled to the ground and banned from his local store - for biting on a bread roll before he'd paid for it.

Local papers up and down the country are the fuel that fires Stop the Week's oven, and we salute the nation's hacks who do the tireless task of breaking the stories that matter. So it is that we embark upon a journey out into the regions, this time alighting in Winchester.

MY: Nothing beats the "real thing" - if your counters look great and your products appetising, they should sell themselves. But we do use our menu boards to reinforce our products, with strong photographic imagery, and this helps to increase the appetite appeal.

If raising the profile of the local baker and highlighting the crucial role of bakers in the community was the aim of the inaugural National Craft Bakers' Week, then we have to say, 'mission accomplished'!

I got a phone call this morning, congra-tulating me on being shortlisted for the Young Male of the Year at the Scottish Achievements Awards 2009 and asking me to prepare a speech, should I be the winner on Thursday, 25 June.

God bless Americans' grasp of historical accuracy. A new game for the PC, Ye Olde Sandwich Shoppe, has been released. It is a time management game in which players do everything from baking bread to constructing sandwiches and replenishing drinks. The story is said to begin with "the creation of the very first sandwich in England". Elise, "the sandwich inventor's" niece (look him up on Wikipedia!), decides to sell the sandwich in a shop. Delightfully ahead of its time, the shop serves bobbies on the beat, among others (sadly, the modern police force was not founded until the century following the invention of the sandwich).

Oh, woe betide thee who dabbles in the dark arts and invokes a sleeping demon. In a clear act of evil-doing, The Guardian's website provocatively reopened the whole Jaffa Cake debate on its forums. "It turns out that what the readers of Comment is Free really want to debate is not the European elections or the global economic crisis, but baked goods, specifically the infamous question:'Is a Jaffa Cake a biscuit or a cake?'" it wrote. Stop the Week thought this thorny question had been put to rest when the law courts ruled their inherent cakiness. How wrong could we be? Here is just a sample of the reponses, which ran to an alarming seven pages. Serves The Guardian right.

BA: In the morning, Upper Crust serves a breakfast menu which includes soft bake rolls. This then changes to its lunchtime offering, which includes pizza baguettes and 'Great British Roast' baguettes.

Dear Editor,

Juniper berries are perhaps most widely recognised as one of the main flavourings in gin. These spicy, aromatic, small purplish-black berries can be used fresh or dried, crushed or whole. They come from a small evergreen bush and have a flavour reminiscent of pine and only a small amount is needed to impart flavour. They are often used in marinades, casseroles and pâtés. To make a coarse pâté en croute marinade chunks of pork, rabbit, duck or game with a little wine, juniper berries and other flavourings before wrapping in pastry and baking. However, although they are more often found in savoury dishes there is no reason at all why they cannot be added to sweet baking - they are very good added to a rich fruitcake mixture, for example. The berries should be crushed in a pestle and mortar before use.

Recession? What recession! Any suggestions that craft bakery might be feeling the bite of the economic downturn were put on hold at the recent Bako London & South East open day, as a record turnout of suppliers and customers celebrated the wholesaler's 50th anniversary.

While the current high UK unemployment figures, 2.5m and rising, cause any amount of misery and hardship to those directly involved and their families, they do provide a real opportunity for the baking industry. It is an unfortunate fact that, historically, when unemployment reaches these heights, recruitment does become easier and brings a higher-calibre person into our range.

There is a very frequent misconception of the true meaning of heroism, and one can only pity the misguided youth whose death is reported this week from Berlin and who took his own life as a consequence of desiring to star as the hero of a tragedy.

£4.31

"Most of the [barista] training in this country seems to start Before Christ - we always seem to jump into the sun-dried tomatoes of the subject and miss the journey. Learn to make three drinks and clean the machine. When you can do that, then you can learn how the bloody thing was picked and roasted and packaged and all the other bits of it"

Another delight on the web is the Erotic Cakes Baker - a US bakery specialising in risqué cakes. All of them - from breast cakes to more X-rated anatomical fare - are "hand-carved" and the bakery offers a bespoke service. "We will create any design you can imagine, from a couple making love on top of a cake to a female torso with edible panties and bra," it proudly states. See www.eroticbakeryusa.com

We've also spotted a trend emerging for sushi cupcakes. Call us traditionalists, but we prefer our cupcakes to be non-fishy.

Hot on the heels of Sir Ranulph Fiennes' epic conquering of Everest, at the age of 65, comes a far greater test of willpower and endurance - one man's effort to visit every Starbucks outlet in the world. We have The Telegraph to thank - and, revealingly, an almost identically worded version of the same article in The Times - for taking time off from witch-hunting MPs over dodgy expenses to copy and paste the following story from the newswires.

By bread with sprouts I don't mean the vegetable variety, but whole sprouted grains of wheat. Sprouted grain breads have become a permanent category in the American bakery sector and some strong brands have been built around the concept. The products have a particular appeal to health-conscious consumers and there are bakeries that specifically target this market, offering products solely produced from sprouted grain. Although not recommended for conventional bakery processes, they are increasingly being used to add functional and sensory benefits to mainstream products, particularly where health attributes are part of the product feature.

Allspice, also known as Jamaican Pepper, should not be confused with mixed spice. It is a pea-sized, dark brown berry, available whole or ground. As the name suggests, it has a flavour reminiscent of a mixture of cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg and ginger and, therefore, will go with similar dishes and baked goods.

FP: To speed up lunchtime sales we now have more multi-deck self service chill units in busy shops.

Many column inches have been given over lately (in between swine flu and MPs' expenses) to 'the demise of organics'. According to an oft-quoted TNS report, organics generally were down 1% despite spiralling inflation, while bread sales allegedly fell by 29%. Gloomy reading? As owner of a 100% organic bakery, I'd like to say: not a bit of it. Because it's just not something that we're seeing, from where we're sitting. (Not that you ever do much sitting, as such, in a bakery.)

Customer: "So it'll be either you or Joanna Lumley running the country next?"

l Conference report From farmers to hoteliers to chip shop owners to bakers, two eccentric entrepreneurs have the SAMB conference in the palms of their hands

5 January, 1941: BB nearly burns

As a big fan of ex-BB columnist Dan Lepard, Stop the Week was amused to see a scuffle break out between him and Matthew Drennan, editor of Delicious - a magazine he contributes to (or should we say, has done) - on his Guardian baking blog.

The truth of the phrase "you've got to be in it to win it" has never been more cruelly exposed - at least in the world of bakery - than it was last week at Bako London's showcase event to mark its 50th anniversary.

Following on from BB's sandwich forum in 8 May issue, we ask:

Ginger has been used in British baking for many years in gingerbreads, ginger cakes, parkins and ginger snaps. Although you can occasionally use grated fresh root ginger in cakes and biscuits, ground ginger is more generally used and, in some recipes, the flavour of ginger can be increased and enhanced by adding crystallised or preserved stem ginger.

By Daniel Stevens, introduced by Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall

Tom Herbert is a fifth-generation baker and director of Hobbs House Bakery, a multi-award-winning craft bakery, based in Gloucestershire

l Why use a bed when you can sleep on inflatable toast?... tinyurl.com/dhjokz l What the cast of cult TV show Lost looks like in cake form... tinyurl.com/d47q47 l You've got a sandwich, you've got an office scanner, now put the two together and you have... scanwiches.com l Heinz Ketchup's gift to Canada to commemorate its centennial was a ketchup cake... tinyurl.com/d5crk2

"An investigation by Which? shows that a single Tesco jam doughnut contains 5.7mg [of saturated fat]"

Can you guess who this Mona Lisa-esque slice of pizza art is meant to represent? Courtesy of North West baker Sayers, this pepperoni, ham and pineapple-topped oval pizza is a stunning example of what one can achieve with a creative eye, a sprinkle of magic dust, and no doubt a bit of heel-kicking slack time around the bakery.

Saffron is a very expensive spice that comes from the saffron crocus. In order to obtain 500g of saffron, approximately 250,000 flowers are harvested by hand. Luckily, since it is so expensive, a small amount goes a long way. It is best to buy it in filament form but it is also available powdered. It can be prepared by either grinding in a pestle and mortar or by steeping in a small amount of boiling water for a few minutes. Although most famously used in rice dishes such as paella it also has uses in baking.

Umer Ashraf is a young entrepreneur who owns the Glasgow-based iCafe chain of shops. He recently opened smoothie and juice bar Paradise Bay in Oban, on Scotland's west coast

l The sadly departed author JG Ballard was assistant editor on The Baker in 1956, then the official publication of the Institute of British Bakers and of the Institute of Irish Bakers... tinyurl.com/dgbtpv l Deep Fried Coke is taking off in the States with a calorie count equivalent to 10 slices of bread... tinyurl.com/2jnt7u l A thief managed to steal a spiral mixer in front of craft bakery staff and whizzed it off in his sports car... tinyurl.com/dfl7v6 l There's a 'National pineapple upside-down cake day'... tinyurl.com/d62wlj

And if you've had your fill of cupcakes, meaty or otherwise, you could always try dieting with these low-cal creations made, appetisingly, of cardboard. These cakes are the work of English artist Patianne Stevenson, based in Seattle - see www.patiannestevenson.com

You are surely dying to know the answer to the question 'how do you combine the twin retro obsessions of cupcakes and knitting in one fell swoop?' Well bait your breath no longer, because the answer lies with marzipan, as witnessed at veganyumyum.com. These cupcakes were baked for - what our American cousins quaintly call - a "Knit Night". They're now more commonly known by trendy types over here as "Bitch and Stitch" evenings.

The Lister Institute has published the results of experiments with rats, carried out on its behalf by Dr Harriet Chick, who came to the conclusion that ordinary white flour is inferior to wholemeal flour even when the deficiency of protein, minerals and vitamin B1 has been made good through fortification.

It's a time-worn tradition for rock stars to stipulate indulgent treats in their contracts to perform gigs - or "riders" as they're known - and their left-field demands often come to light under headlines like "Madonna insists on 50 cupcakes arranged in shape of her star sign, Leo" (not true, but it's surely a matter of time). Now news has reached Stop the Week that this practice is filtering down to civilians, specifically one retail landlord in New York who has requested a cupcake rider from his bakery tenant.

Barely a week goes by without some tale of cupcake 'envelope pushing', and this week is no different, with US cupcake stories dominating our humble corner of BB.

Fancy yourself as a bread artist? The non-profit Grain Foods Foundation - set up in 2004 to promote the benefits of grain-based products in the US - has teamed up with charity Feeding America to provide food for those in need. You can create a personalised piece of bread art at no cost by uploading a drawing or photo, or even design your own on the website - breadartproject.com - which also features a walk-around virtual bread art gallery. For each piece of bread art created, the Grain Foods Foundation has pledged to donate $1 to Feeding America. The impressive site also cites the health benefits of bread throughout.

Cinnamon is the dried bark of an evergreen tree that is grown in Sri Lanka, Southern India and the West Indies. It is available in small sticks or ground into a powder. The sticks are usually used to make an infusion, for example warmed in milk for custard tarts.

It can hardly have escaped any baker's notice that cupcakes are big business. One firm that could perhaps be considered a founding member of the cupcake movement is London's Hummingbird Bakery, which has just launched its own cookbook.

People off work through mental ill-health costs business millions every year, but this is the tip of the iceberg compared to the higher costs involved when people at work perform below par through a mental ill-health condition. My eyes were opened to this 'last taboo' subject recently when I was encouraged (in one of my voluntary work roles) to do a 'mental health first aid' course. No sooner had I finished it than TV's Secret Millionaire featured a Barnsley millionaire confessing to having had a 'secret' mental breakdown a few years ago. I had no idea just how much this subject affects the workplace; I just thought stress and depression were the new 'bad back' lame excuse on a sick note. How wrong I was!

l Interview

is one delight to be found on the gloriously named website, 'This is why you're fat - where dreams become heart attacks'... thisiswhyyourefat.com l Bakery aromas are going to be pumped into NCP car parks to cover up the smells of urine and vomit...

"Things that normally would be pleasurable for rats didn't elicit the same degree of relish, which leads us to believe that a salt deficit and the craving associated with it can induce one of the key symptoms associated with depression"

Some of our readers inform us that they have been doing a good trade during the very hot weather with their American soda fountains. We are glad to learn this, for a year or two ago, we devoted a good deal of space to up-to-date formulae for American drinks, and we strongly urged confectioners to install fountains in their shops. We pointed out that there was a danger of allowing this branch of the business to go almost exclusively into the hands of chemists.

Making a bid to become bakers' public enemy number one is ageing ex-supermodel (miaow) Cindy Crawford, whose baker-baiting bread abuse was snapped for a photoshoot in the April issue of US women's magazine Allure. The image of 43-year-old Crawford tearing up a loaf in the mag's 'anti-ageing issue' was captioned with: 'White bread may be slang for innocuous, but not for your diet'.

Bread must have been on the minds of staff writers on publications up and down the country as a bakery theme emerged during a predic-table spate of 'hilarious' April Fools' Day spoofs.

Following on from the cupcake wedding cake craze, the latest (and unlikely) trend we've picked up on from the US is, er... pie wedding cakes! In fact, we've already spotted one UK company specialising in them, offering sweet and savoury options: www.pieand.co.uk. "Why not go for small stands of 13 pies, and use them as a centrepiece for each table?" it says. Why not, indeed?

The nutmeg tree is native to the Moluccas (The Spice Islands), although it is now also grown widely in the West Indies. Nutmeg is not a nut and, as such, is not a danger to people with nut allergies although, rarely, some people can be allergic to it.

£6.99 Published by Egmont

Jo Fairley is co-owner of Judges organic bakery and grocery shop in Hastings and co-founder of Green & Black's chocolate firm with hubby Craig Sams

We have had the usual newspaper correspondence regarding the hardships entailed by the journeyman bakers in making Hot Cross Buns, and we have even had a number of employers declaring publicly that it does not pay to make them, and that when the additional cost for overtime and the general upsetting of the business are taken into account, they would prefer to see Hot Cross Buns entirely abolished. In a town in Hampshire, which contains six master bakers, they entered into an agreement not to make Hot Cross Buns at all, as the amount of overtime involved compelled all hands to work incessantly for 24 hours. Yet the argument appears to us to be a little inconsequential. A custom can scarcely be considered to be dying out if it involves overtime to the extent of 24 hours. We have no sympathy at all with the cry, either inside or outside the trade, for the abolition of the Hot Cross Bun.

"Fruit was flown in from Paris daily, meat had to come all the way from Yorkes Butchers in Dundee, while the incorrect choice of biscuits for the executives' afternoon tea was a disciplinary offence. The mistaken inclusion of pink wafers on one occasion led to a stern memo headlined 'Rogue Biscuits'"

Stop the Week is happy to say that it has a proud history of tracking advances in toaster-based technology, culminating in last year's top-10 series of toasters, which ranged from waterproof toasters to toaster printers.

Step forward a certain Neil Berrett from San Francisco, who is the genius behind this job resignation letter, printed on a cake. The cake, posted on image-sharing website Flickr, reads: "Dear Mr Bowers, During the past three years, my tenure at the Hunters Point Naval Shipyard has been nothing short of pure excitement, joy and whim. However, I have decided to spend more time with my family and attend to health issues that have recently arisen... Please accept this cake as notification that I am leaving my position with NWT on March 27. Sincerely, W Neil Berrett."

With preparations for National Cupcake Week (NCW) now under way, why not get involved by linking to our official NCW Facebook page? You're welcome to post pictures of your outlandishly impressive cupcake creations, recipe suggestions, cupcake-themed shop fronts or messages of support. National Cupcake Week is set to take place 14-19 September, 2009. Find the page at: tinyurl.com/cljdba

Sweet mild peppers, sometimes referred to as bell peppers or capsicums, are related to chillies.

With National Doughnut Week (NDW) not far off (9-16 May) sponsor BakeMark UK is urging craft bakers to get a head start and make the most of the charitable week with a great giveaway.

Sorting through my grandmother's bakery file with my pop, we came across a folder containing old documents and newspaper clippings. One item from the year dot was my great grandmother's birth certificate, dated 1887, and the rank/profession of father is recorded as baker. That confirmed my heritage as being at least a fifth-generation baker and gives my son, Milo, the opportunity of being the sixth (no pressure - but we're already seven years into an 18-year training programme).

It is difficult to account for the determined hostility of certain interests to bread-eating. In the broadcast given recently by our foremost dietician Sir John Orr, he stressed the importance of fruit, dairy products and eggs; his remarks as to the value of bread, however, fell short of doing justice to the great energy-imparting virtue of this famous foundation for the ideal diet. Hollywood diets have attained an unusual publicity. So it is of interest to note that Beatrice De Sylva, "Special Beauty Advisor to Famous Stars", is constantly, she states, disabusing the minds of people who have the idea that self-starvation is an essential to beauty. In her opinion any slendering diet must include bread as one of its most important ingredients. Semi-starvation is a very dangerous proceeding, leading to nervous and mental disorders, and, to keep fit in mind and body, a generous diet is a necessity, with bread as an essential groundwork.

What do you do if you're an England international rugby player who has just been banned for two years after being busted for cocaine abuse? Suddenly finding himself with a lot of free time on his hands, South African born 26-year-old prop Matt Stevens is said to be planning on opening a coffee shop in Bath called Jika Jika, which translates as twist or turn in Zulu.

If St Anselm's thought a boozy bakery was bad, heaven knows how they might have reacted had Grand View Topless Coffee Shop - which has opened in the US town of Maine - opened next door. The name captures the essence of what this café has to offer without the need of further elaboration from Stop the Week.

"In my profession, my taste buds and sensory skills are crucial. My 18 years of experience enable me to distinguish between thousands of flavours. My taste buds also allow me to distinguish any defects"

Bread and wine have long been seen as a pretty decent pairing - not least since this coupling was cemented when it was put to good use at a certain dinner table some 2,000 years ago.

Some enthusiastic advocates of bread-wrapping have suggested that if bread could be wrapped in an "oxygenless" atmosphere, it would be possible to keep wrapped bread indefinitely from going mouldy. The simplest and cheapest gas seems to be carbon-dioxide, and it is proposed that the bread-wrapping machine should be surrounded by an atmosphere of that gas. I have taken the trouble to look up the properties of carbon-dioxide gas and I learn that it is poisonous to breath. This seems to me to open an alarming vista of possibilities. Does it mean that, in the future, bakers will have to wear gas masks while engaged in the wrapping of bread? If it is poisonous to breathe, it looks as if we are going to add further to our trade's already overflowing cup of worries.

Stop the Week has yet to tire of the mileage that bakery retailers have been getting out of Barack Obama's election. So it is with some trepidation that we bring you this latest yin and yang instalment, which could provide the full-stop to the Obama-themed bakery saga. Call it a 'best practice guide' to event marketing, if you will, coupled with an 'crashingly awful, potentially criminal practice guide'.

"Other kids get their cake. I get a hard time. It's not fair to my children. How can a name be offensive?"

l Top 50 Bakery Retailers

The power of the spoken word! In the world of today, with its telephones, microphones, gramophones and talking films, the importance of good speech is increasingly impressed upon us. The selling power of the spoken word may be far above that of the written word. Masters of the art of selling are well aware of this, and do not fail to exploit the advantage. We too must learn the lesson.

As the UK gets set to relax rules on patients using mobile phones in hospital wards, bakers on the other side of the globe are doing the opposite - by banning mobiles in bakeries. The Australian reported on one, Sam Hansen, who has taken the bold step of banning mobile phones from her Sydney shop, Bakers Delight. The snapping point came after a trainee shopkeeper was hassled by a mobile-wielding customer for - perhaps unforgivably - enquiring what said shopper would like to purchase. "She yelled at him for interrupting her and then apologised to the person she was speaking to on the phone," Hansen is quoted as saying. "All he was doing was asking her how she was. We're not robots. We do have feelings."

British Baker leaves no stone unturned in its quest for bakery enlightenment, which makes it all the more edifying to discover that heavenly powers now may be choosing bakery products as their vessel.

== Accidental Bread Thieves of the Year ==

For all the office workers maddened by their sandwiches being pilfered from the fridge - or for students in shared accommodation - comes this nifty bag, which gives the sarnie the appearance of being covered in mould. Another possible benefit for retailers could be selling out-of-date mouldy sarnies - the fake mould acting as a crafty disguise for the real mould underneath (but of course, we wouldn't recommend that, Mr Trading Standards Officer). tinyurl.com/5pejr7

Over the past year we have grown to love the undisputed godfather of bowel regulation via his bygone missives, resurrected in BB. But how much do we really know about him? Here's a remarkable insight into his daily routine - an example we should perhaps all strive to follow. This is especially true when it come to spicing up your life - what better way to treat yourself than with a bowl of boiled onions?

"If you think Islington is all air-kissing, cocaine-snorting, gym-going, Guardian-reading, latté-slurping, organic, free-range, GM-free munching fashionistas, think again. It's worse than that - much, much worse than that"

It is common in areas of India for cows, considered by Hindus to be a sacred animal, to stroll the streets freely. Some are known to regularly wander into shops. But finding a cow chomping away at the bakery goods in his shop was a step too far for one New Delhi baker, who ended the bovine's carefree munching by stabbing it to death.

We have recently been developing a range of 'open sandwiches' for a chain of excellent gastro-pubs we supply, writes The SoHo Sandwich Company's Adam Gilbert.

Although available all year round in frozen or dried form, fresh cranberries are in season now. Native to North America, they are the fruit of low-growing, creeping shrubs that grow in acidic bogs. When the fruit turns red in early October, the beds are flooded and a harvester removes the fruit from the vines. The fruits are graded for quality and 95% are used for drinks, sauces and sweetened dried cranberries. The best quality are sold fresh or frozen.

== by Sue Davies ==

== Jo Fairley is co-owner of Judges organic bakery and grocery in Hastings and co-founded Green & Black's chocolate firm with hubby Craig Sams ==

== l Shopfitting and interiors ==

Who can possibly find pleasure in sitting down to write a market report on such an article as sugar, four or five days after the so-called Prosperity Egg has been hatched in America, and we still have to see what will result? Can we look for a cooing dove that means nothing, or a hen which will later be able to help others as well as Uncle Sam?

UK cake maker Michelle Wibowo last week scooped a gong for Britain at the Patisserie Showpiece section of the International Culinary Olympics, with a lifesize dog-shaped sugar sculpture. We were equally impressed (and slightly disturbed) by this sped-up video of her making a life-like baby cake. tinyurl.com/6gvf5k

In these body-conscious, image-obsessed times, it's good to get some cosmetic tips from a nutritional guru who was convinced that beauty came from within a whole century before "Dr" Gillian McKeith.

"We still think the sandwich will be recorded in the Guinness Book of Records because of all the evidence and footage that we will send them"

Bromley cabbie James Edwards has made a startling revelation that sheds some light on the high-fiving world of ad agency marketeers.

Encouraging consumers to eat five portions of fruit and veg a day is a big part of the food industry, writes Wayne Caddy. For consumers, the five-a-day concept makes sense and is easy to understand. Given this, can the baker target incremental sales with products specifically designed for achieving one of your five-a-day?

Potatoes are a very popular vegetable in Europe and were first cultivated by the Incas, in Peru, 6,000 years ago. They were brought to Europe by the Spanish Conquistadors to impress Royalty in around 1570.

The 'panini' has become hugely popular as a cheaper alternative to the hot meal and there are a wonderful variety of fillings and breads to choose from, writes Adam Gilbert. Here is another fantastic hot sandwich concept that has been filling the stomachs of Mexicans for hundreds of years and is about to fill ours.

Pumpkins are believed to have originated in North America. Seeds have been found in Mexico dating back to before 5000 BC, but the name is derived from the Greek word "pepon", which means large melon. Native American Indians used pumpkin as a staple in their diets before the pilgrims landed.

In recent years the craft bakery sector has come under pressure from many fronts. This has led to companies struggling and a poor perception of the industry among customers, the government and potential employees.

Jo Fairley is co-owner of Judges organic bakery and grocery in Hastings and co-founded Green & Black's chocolate firm with hubby Craig Sams

== l Interior Motives ==

It is not often that the editorial eye becomes focused on the game of golf, but when we hear that a Manchester baker and a Midland farmer have bought a whole golf course, we are considerably impressed. According to a news item, they have purchased a golf course in North Wales.

Coffee art featuring leaves or logos is just so passé. We want lions, monkeys and solar systems (preferably in the same cup).

"We're not taking the mick out of chavs, we love them. They don't mind being called chavs - they're proud of it and this is the drink for them. We always see them hanging round the town centre with their gold chains and baseball caps, eating sweeties and drinking energy drinks. We thought we would make the chavuccinos for a bit of a laugh - but they have turned out to be a huge hit"

When it comes to giving up cigarettes, forget your nicotine patches, inhalers, self-help books, hypnotism, therapy, rehab, acupuncture, homeopathy, blah blah blah. Don't be such a wuss - scratch out a week from the diary, lock the bedroom door, brace yourself and go cold turkey. It's that simple. On quitting smoking: "The best way to stop this injurious habit is to give it up suddenly. There will be a great craving and a feeling as if something were lost for four or five days, then the natural man will predominate, and health and comfort will be gradually restored."

Growing voter apathy has long been a worry for politicians, so what better way to appeal to the disaffected - and to the collective sweet tooth of the US electorate - than to decide the presidential election outcome on the number of cookies people buy?

== l Baking Industry Awards ==

== March 3, 1933: catchphrase competition ==

This week's "Can't blame them for trying" award goes to The Really Sensible Trading Company, which has predicted nothing short of a revolution in the world of cafetières.

How do you transform obese folk into "ordinary" people? It's obvious, duh! Make them run a half marathon every day. If only Dr Allinson had made his suggestion more forcefully a century ago...

"She knows she has messed up bad"

In a recent BB we slavered over the wonders of authentic Neapolitan pizza. Well, the pizzas from Naples may be a delight, but the city's bread will slowly kill you.

An American newspaper is qualifying for a monument from the housewives of the world. It has discovered, or calculated, that, in the course of a year, the average mother of four or five children makes the 'equivalent' of 1,095 loaves of bread... 50 cakes and 750 pies. She also prepares meat which, if assembled, would make one or two cows and about six pigs, peels 5,100 potatoes, makes 1,200 beds and dusts on average 7,500 chairs every twelve-month. This sort of stuff makes one hungry for statistics. Cannot some baker come up with some intensely human story of the number of times a year his nose begins to itch as soon as he plunges his hand into the dough? If the trade should ever decide to answer its plague of critics, a wagon-load of distressing statistics of this kind would make the public weep oceans of tears. Really, bakers are a most unenterprising lot of fellows.

News agency AFP has reported that thousands of copies of a Swedish food magazine have had to be recalled, after it inadvertently poisoned some of its readers who followed one of its apple cake recipes.

Since autumn started in August this year, what better time to hear Dr Allinson's reflections on how gloomy weather makes one, well, gloomy.

A piece of very old cake has been sold at auction for a whopping £1,000; though admittedly, the item in question was actually an 8 x 9-inch slice from Charles & Diana's 1981 Royal Wedding cake.

== "I'm only baking in a glorified wooden shed. Surely this is not running a business. We have had to stop baking cakes to sell and the council are even quibbling over our tables in the garden on planning grounds." - Civilian Diane Tovey falls foul of North-East Lincolnshire council regs after baking and selling cakes for the RNLI in her garden "Just as Disney's 'High School Musical 3: Senior Year' delivers kids joy and fun mom can feel good about, Sara Lee Soft & Smooth breads give kids the taste they want with the wholegrain nutrition that satisfies parents." - Tim Zimmer, vice-president, Sara Lee Fresh Bakery, strains to link the firm's products with the Disney film, following a marketing tie-in in the US "I have lived on Marmite sandwiches, nothing more, for the last 25 years and am dedicated to the art form that is Marmite sandwich-making. Every sandwich I make is created with love, care and attention to detail." - George Lambert, reported by the Press Association to have built a 12ft stack of Marmite sandwiches in a record-breaking attempt ==

Coffee shops and cafés are playing a "notable" role in the longer-term trend among consumers for frequent eating out of home, according to new research by Allegra Strategies.

Tom Herbert is a fifth-generation baker and director of Hobbs House Bakery, a multi-award-winning craft bakery based in south Gloucestershire

There are many varieties of plum available. Some are sweet and are suitable as dessert fruits and others are tart and can be made into jams or chutneys. Either type can be used for baking. There is a variety of skin colours from green and yellow to dark red and purple.

== by bakery consultant Wayne Caddy ==

== 20 January, 1933: Bridget Jones wanted ==

Following a busy and stressful week, there are some jobs you think, you'd love to do - something untaxing that involves getting away from the rat race. Shooting to the top of that aspirational list is 'spokesperson for Starbucks'. When BB tried to check up on reports that the firm had posted its first loss for 15 years, Starbucks' press officer was not budging from her seat on the fence. "I can't be quoted as either confirming or denying it," she said. Nice work if you can get it.

We hark back to time immemorial, when Scotland was still a paragon of healthy eating, courtesy of our resident nutrition expert Dr Allinson (deceased).

Keeping an eye out for bakery coverage in the national press involves a depressing wade through half-baked (sorry!) bakery puns. We sometimes fail to resist the temptation to rise to the occasion ourselves (sorry again!). So the time has come to regularly monitor, name and shame the worst offenders here in Stop the Week.

== Cupcake Magic ==

== September 4, 1925: a bone to pick ==

== The Trapdoor Toaster ==

A time long before our corrupted kids took to the streets armed with blades and economy lager (back in Victorian times they preferred catapults and pennyworths of gin), our esteemed doctor had these words of advice for child-rearers. However, BB will not be held responsible for the consequences of freezing your kids...

Here's a great candidate for our regular shop design feature Interior Motives. One café in a strife-ridden suburb of Beirut, Lebanon, has been decked out like a military post. Patrons at Buns and Guns can enjoy scoffing 'Terrorist Bread' to the sounds of gunfire, blasted over the speakers. Other delights on the menu include 'rocket-propelled grenade' (chicken on a skewer), which you can eat surrounded by replica weapons and camouflage netting, reports the BBC.

Whose fruity smile was used to beguile? Who learned the ropes promoting soaps? Yes it's the gorgeous, glamorous Sara Reid of Rank Hovis - advertising Pears soap in 1972, aged 31/2.

We're not sure what the doctor was getting at when he suggested eating this meal for "good staying power".

This little curio popped into our inbox tagged with the eyebrow raising heading: "Belcolade's chocolate Manneken Pis jets in for 20 Years of Passion celebrations", accompanied by a snap of a nude child made of chocolate.

Wednesday morning is my favourite morning of the week, not because I get up at 3am, but because, an hour later, I find myself at Billingsgate fish market, right in the hustle and bustle of one of the oldest fish markets in Europe, writes Adam Gilbert.

* Taking afternoon tea to the next level, The Berkeley hotel has come up with some ultra-posh patisserie to tie in with New York Fashion Week (from 13 Feb), including a woman drowning in mousse! tinyurl.com/bnbsqh * Perhaps crazier - though not very chic - are bacon-topped cupcakes. Will the innovation ever end? tinyurl.com/ctqy79 * Clearly not, as the world goes cupcake crazy: tattoo, pool ball or iPhone cupcakes anyone?

"With their association with well-to-do society and the fine tradition of Victorian tea rooms, they have acquired a sort of romanticism, which is often lacking in our own patisserie"

We have our labour troubles with bakers in this country, but they never become very acute. Parisian bakers, on the other hand, enjoy a reputation for being exceedingly restive and they threaten a strike every three months. It is not long since we chronicled the agitation in Paris against the labour bureau. This time the grievance is in connection with a weekly holiday. Nothing would strike terror into the hearts of a large bread-consuming population more than the certainty that they might wake some morning and find the whole town breadless. This is the desire which the Parisian bakers nourish, but they are unable to carry it into effect, owing to the resources which the government enjoy in having the military bakers ready to take their place.

While the national news is full of gloomy tales of dodgy dealing and bankers' greed, here's a form of transaction they'd do well to learn: honesty. Honesty Coffee Shop in the Philippines has no sales staff and relies on its customers to pay up after choosing from a product list next to a box and a sign reading 'Please Pay Here'. Would it catch on in the UK? Well, it worked for WH Smith when it introduced an honesty box for newspapers, and it certainly cuts down on staff overheads...

Stop the Week is always ready to doff its cap when it meets like-minded crusaders on a mission to document the bizarre in bakery. Which brings us to Cake Wrecks - a blog dedicated to "When professional cakes go horribly, hilariously wrong".