"I don’t deny myself anything. Right now, my weakness is for cupcakes. I was sent 12 of them when I got to No.1 all different flavours"

Cheryl Cole kicks off her own pro-obesity campaign

"Assume you’ve done Eclair Short?"

following a request for names of cake-themed politicians, former deputy PM John Prescott tweets his suggestion. Others he could have chosen are Hilary Bunn, Ed Doughballs and David Macaron (Cam-a-ron, geddit? Ok, that’s enough)

"I’ve always had a sweet tooth, I was hungry and thought I would have just one Jaffa Cake from a packet. But I ended up eating the whole lot and never told anybody about it. You forget so much over the years, yet this just stuck in my mind I have never done anything like it before or since" Election? What election?! The Daily Mail devotes valuable space to 65-year-old John Bibby’s non-story of returning a packet of stolen Jaffa Cakes to a shop after 50 years 666 words to be exact. A sign of the coming apocalypse, surely?